Let Them Eat Cake

A Word from the Editor

by FlyingJellyfish

Hi, and welcome to the official newspaper for the MinecraftOnline.com server: Voice of Freedonia!

The editor wishes you happy mining!

The News in Brief

by Palindrome7

Praise be unto them! The oracles have heard the divine words of the Spawn Gods. Let your prayers be heard at their altar located just across the pond at Spawn, you may earn their boon... unless of course you displease them.

Some of our readers may have felt the presence of bottled rage recently, but don't worry! After a somewhat lengthy hiatus, Freedonia's favorite meanypants, dorn284, has returned to the server!

Humpto! Those members of the Freedonian community that logged on during MCO's birthday were treated to a day of free access to the /jumpto command! Everyone was jumptoing for joy.

Let them eat cake! Everyone's favorite admin that is eponymous with an ocean invertibrate, FlyingJellyfish, has designed a new extreme cake eating game. Desserts always taste better when sprinkled with the blood of the fallen.

A gruesome scene played out last month when several cats owned by xArches were brutally murdered in cold blood. When asked for an opinion on the matter, a local passerby replied, "giv me op plz."

Freedonia Speaks

by Winx51

For this issue's interview section we decided to ask you, the citizens of Freedonia, about your ingame, and real life, food and drink preferences. Here's what you said.

What is your favorite ingame food?

"Cake" -AlmightyKey123

"Chicken" -Techkid6

"Steak" -Ldog540

"Rotten Flesh" -MattyQ

"Cooked Pork" -logicbug

"Cookies" -Flippeh

"Roast Chicken" -Jayceetee

Empathy Enjo

Where Enjoku gives free advice

• Dear Enjo, how do I start a guild, and how can I make my guild successful?

  -Anonymous

• Dear Anonymous: the best way to start a guild is to have an idea of what your guild’s objectives are, and what purpose they’ll have on the server. Next, make sure you get as many members or friends in this guild as you can. If your group is a building group, make sure to find plenty of large open spaces your group can build on, or contact the owner of a town and ask them if you can build something in the town. But be warned, if you’re planning a PvP group, you’ll have to watch out for rivals.
• Dear Enjo, people say I can eat cake at spawn when I'm starving, but the cake goes on fire when I try to eat it. Is there something I can do?

  -Cakeless

• Dear Cakeless: Yes. the cake gods are very angry at you. Appease them by throwing yourself from spawn dive now!

Have a question or a problem? Email it to Enjoku at

Horoscopes

by mobster_ie

Halipleunom(The wanderer): Be aware that we all have our boundaries. A great journey begins with a single step, and yours might be off the side of a cliff so keep that shift key DOWN!!!

Commercari(The trader): You will be sorely tempted to pester players for freebies, but remember young commercari, nothing comes to those that do not earn it. Keep a level head for success as you drive that bargain.

Inflectum(the fighter): You venture further than most signs dare, your maxim is “in adventure comes reward”… but seriously will you stop hitting me in the back of the head with that bloody diamond sword! Ow..ow..ow…OW…BLOODY OUCH…flaming Nora that smarts!

Minerae(the miner): You find solace in the darkness. Do not fear the unknown and the earth shall open her bounty to you. Be cautious as you go, or lava will feature prominently in your day.

Repto(the sneaker): you see safety in the shadows and advantage in the devious. Use caution and step lightly, Your day will be filled with great rewards as you empty that chest I just opened 2 seconds ago. OI! Out of it matey! Those are my diamonds!

Extruo (the builder) You shall achieve much this day! Don't obsess over those finishing touches though, or they will never work and you will ragequit in frustration.

Ingeniarii (the engineer): Your understanding of complexity is what brings you your rewards. The outlook for you is somewhat hazy mainly because that damned circuit isn’t doing what you told it to, and damn it! ITS NOT MOVING!!!! Remember, it’s about fun apparently…

Click to see comic by Shypixel

The Freedonian Black Market in Diamondmall

by Werdnaz

MattyQ's dark shop

While the history of Freedonia has been littered with various guilds each with their own agendas, very few have ever opened shops. Whether this tells us something about the selfish nature of many of these groups is another matter. Most stolen items disappear forever inside the vaults and storage halls of the thieves. However, there is one portal to the black market of Freedonia, tucked away deep inside diamond mall.

“This is one of the few shops where the criminal underbelly of Freedonia can be seen”

MattyQ is one of the friendliest players you will ever meet, but that doesn't make him any less of a thief. His prices are certainly not the cheapest, but the shop really is one of a kind. This is one of the few shops where the criminal underbelly of Freedonia can be seen.

Most thieves prefer to hoard their ill-gotten gains, and with the exception of Glen Team, almost all guilds keep their items to themselves. So if owning stolen goods gives you a thrill, his shop is the place to come. As he says, "Every item you buy is an item the person will never get back."

The innocent facade

Shopping in Freedonia

by Werdnaz

Diamondmall

Freedonia has a wide variety of shops located all over the map. If you can mine it, craft it, brew it, or harvest it, chances are there's somewhere you can buy it. Here are just a few prime shopping locations to check out.

/warp diamondmall - many claim it's the only place you need, and they might be right. Ten floors of shops, packed full of items, including many rare items sold by the immortals of freedonia.

Lavatown - An excellent place to look for rarer items, including high end enchanted goods. Accessible from /warp caverns, the nexus, or by the Freedonian railway.

/warp Glenfiddich - Powered by the mighty glenteam, they stock possibly the cheapest diamond armour in freedonia, though with the extended hiatus of their great leader AndreyDio, some shops may be out of items

/spawn - There are several shops near spawn, including Lacrosse1991's palace of potions. At this potion shop, run by the server's friendliest admin, you can by any potion you need at a decent price. Also nearby is S&S enchanting, another shop offering enchanted goods.

LilaChinko Grand Opening

by The_Jackal_249

Last week was the opening tournament for this brand new Pigchinko arena built by Enjoku. Pork was surely roasting on this beautiful Freedonian summer day as the pigs transported their riders over the board, surrounded by a breathtaking landscape of mountains and ocean.

Despite his previous record two game winning streak, Werdnaz once again failed to show up for the game, and the previous week's champion, mobster_ie, was also absent, guaranteeing a fresh face on the winners podium.

All went smoothly until Blacktroller235 decided to start playing with arena control levers during the second round, resulting in a restart. MattyQ also somehow managed to play twice, appearing in both round one and round eight, but he failed to place in the semi-finals both times. There was a rare tie in the fourth round between Enjoku and Logseller235 who both finished with 700 points, which led to a packed, five player semi-final round.

It all ended with an impressive win by startyler, who achieved the game high score of 3100 points in the final round against Logseller235. The Lavatown Arcanum supplied the grand prize for the tournament, a brand new legendary bow, which was awarded to startyler after the game.

startyler on the winner's podium